GAU RAKSHAK: How to differentiate a Fake & Genuine?

Modi giving his address at the 'Friends of India' event, in Moscow, Russia

Before they strip you naked and put their shoe on your neck or beat you with righteousness for a couple of hours – here’s what you say. “Sir can you show me your ID, please, so I know you are genuine?” …writes Bikram Vohra

Modi giving his address at the 'Friends of India' event, in Moscow, Russia
Modi giving his address at the ‘Friends of India’ event, in Moscow, Russia

What is the code of conduct for a genuine gau rakshak as compared to a counterfeit ‘guy?’

While it is heartening to hear the Prime Minister of India finally speak out on this issue of self-styled protectors and their bloated bovine-inspired bravado, it is worrying that in calling for a disrobing of the fake sevaks he has actually sanctified the vigilantes by saying it is fine to be one just have to make sure you are the real article.

And with no attempt whatsoever at humour, I am thinking the next step could be equally genuine lynch-squads for suspected rapists or those cheeky little sods who dare to marry ‘downcaste’ and expect our regal upper castes to swallow this insult. But hold that thought for now, and let’s go back to the cow and motherhood. What is the real article.

Let’s say you or I are suddenly surrounded by a bunch of men armed with lathis and other such implements of power because you could be eating beef (enemy at the farm gate) or transporting a cow and now you are outnumbered and your options limited.

Before they strip you naked and put their shoe on your neck or beat you with righteousness for a couple of hours – here’s what you say. “Sir can you show me your ID, please, so I know you are genuine?” OR “If I have to be thrashed at least let it be by a sanctioned officially-certified gau rakshak not one of your common garden variety types.”

Are we going to have a gau rakshak ministry that issues certificates like degrees? Do candidates pass a test before they can be given a pass to go create mayhem? After all, the PM has saluted the valiant work of the protectors.

Once you do that they will be crawling out of the woodwork in their thousands. These are very real questions, because now the seven or eight hoodlums are coming in closer and asking for a pancard or an Aadhar card as an identification proof will be a feeble defence because they may not be in the mood to listen.

Consequently, unless the PM is prepared to go a step further and explain why he would laud the true ‘gau rakshak’ and also have it explained, in torturous detail, what actions they can take, the spurious cow boy is going to be tough to counter and this whole issue of separating the wheat from the chaff is moo(t).

Yo, you are a fake, you don’t even have a card, put away that lathi and get lost, you cannot beat me.
He can. He’s for real. Here, give me a minute to strip. My button is stuck. You want me to lie down here so you can can shove your foot on my face or are you beating me standing up. Oh! You want to whack the soles of my feet, could I see your GR licence again, please, just to confirm?

But if you seriously consider Modi’s speech on this subject, it is scary. He tells us that out there are bands of brigands faking it but in doing so he accepts that ‘gau raksha’ brigades are something we need and in this verbal balancing act we fail to understand why, what for, and most importantly, who constitutes this religious police and the authority they have, by proxy? Those pundit types who come on TV and bleat piety.

The so-called upper caste twits who believe their blue blood gives them the right to intimidate the rest. It is not just Dalits who are at risk here, so that angle doesn’t wash totally. Anyone buying or eating beef, even an innocent non-vegetarian is at a risk from these hoods. And instead of banning all these rakshaks in toto and bringing sanity back into the invasion of privacy we are now faced with confirming credentials.

No one has told me how to prove that the men coming at me with weapons are Made in Taiwan.
Let’s take this a step further on this illogical path. After the thrashing, when the video is going viral and the state Chief Minister, Rahul Gandhi, Arvind Kejriwal and a gaggle of opportunists are rushing to the hospital to hold hands with the victim what if he (and who’s to say it won’t be a woman tomorrow) decides to complain to the cops.

If the cops weigh the evidence and discover this is a genuine 24 carat cow protector, is he safe from prosecution? He is the elected vice-president of the Gau Rakshak Samiti and he ordered the attack on these vile Indians because there were cows and a partridge in a pear tree in their van.
What if the stick wielder had an epiphany and just converted from being a gangster to gau rakshak the night before…does that count? He has taken his vows or whatever it is you have to do by way of ritual to make the grade.

Come tomorrow, we will have a cottage industry selling GR (gau rakshak) honours degree.
Can the cop, in his wisdom, decide that the attack was justified because the fellow is asli (genuine).
By creating a gau rakshak caste system (superior and inferior) we have actually given the signal for marauders to maraud and gangsters to engage in this ‘take that’ tamasha with impunity.
This can only get worse.