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FRIGHTFUL STUFF

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DAILY DOSE By Bikram Vohra

MASKSo I am catching up with my email having left it all unplugged these past four days and there is the usual dross and spam and I notice that my old friend Joanna who wants to meet me terribly has been joined by Esmerelda and Ibo, both of whom share the common ambition of wanting to be my friend because they have heard nice things about me (from whom, girls) and there is also this message from a friend that says, ‘Good stuff, very real.

“The fact that it has been sent to 4000 others should serve as enough warning to dump it unopened but we of the human race are weak and curious and so we do open it and the big, black sign says: Staying healthy is only the slowest way of dying.
Oh great, go on poop the party. First, why send it to anyone. Second, it is not great stuff, it is pure envy.
And third, who thinks these things up. I mean, did someone out there get up one morning and say, okay all those jocks and athletic types, all those joggers and gym fanatics with your lean and hungry look and those fancy sports drinks and health foods making me look bad for being a couch potato and eating chips and fast foods, I am going to get you, see how I wreck your happiness.
What does he do? He comes up with a mean, nasty line and then catapults it to the world. Go on, take that. Ha, so much for vegans and carb balanced diets and Atkinson and looking after yourself and doing cardio programmes and yoga classes.
Really, who thinks of these awful things and inundates the email boxes of the world with such drivel.

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