Celestial blessings: What to do with the 33 diyas that light up when you download them….writes Bikram Vohra

Happy Diwali
Happy Diwali

On my mobile phone i have received 33 diyas that light up when you download them, 110 religious pictures, 64 firecrackers on the screen that are identical and 24 assorted wishes in different languages many of them from people whom I cannot place. Why don’t people identify themselves? Why would I wish to identify you by your telephone number? Either that or enlarge your WhatsApp picture and dimly recall you.

I am deep into OCD so how do i delete photos of goddess Lakshmi in various poses without incurring her wrath and becoming penniless since you cannot really live on what you get as remuneration for writing supposedly funny articles. Even the pix of mountains of mithai are offerings which cannot be removed.

I have received several Hanumans and so many Ganeshes and the moment my finger goes on the ‘delete’ key a little voice inside me says, wo, hold it, don’t tempt the fates, remember what happened to Caesar. I haven’t yet figured out the connection but i cannot wipe out Saraswati and the whole pantheon. What will Shivji say if he is told Vohra deleted all your shots and he calls Krishna and the rest and says cheeky little sod, huh, he pressed the delete key, let’s have him thrown out of a job, huh, teach him a lesson.

I love new technology but festive messages send me into deep depression. Perhaps you have figured out how to handle it but i just received a 7 MB video that shows all our gods and goddesses in their vivid splendour and then there is a curtain which opens and they are wishing me a prosperous Diwali, the operative word ‘prosperous’ being much in doubt these 68 years but along with it has come a message which says that iCloud is a bit teed off because i have overdone my limit on its fluffiness and am hugely short on memory. Isn’t that incredible? Here i am getting good wishes from the celestial mount itself and i don’t have the memory to keep going.

I don’t have a clue if you have the courage to wipe it all out after the festival but i am the sort of guy who won’t remove his rakhi for the whole year so there is no which way these pictures are going. Uh oh here come more and i guess all i can do is wish you all a great Diwali and a super year ahead. I am not superstitious – i just don’t want to take any chances.



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