Settled down? Are you nuts? This is total chaos. I was so settled down before I got married. I had routine. I would read when I wanted, play squash at 6, maybe 7, even 8 in the evening without being answerable….writes Bikram Vohra
Have you noticed how people who are not married are always being asked when they will settle down. Like sediment or that sticky residue at the bottom of the coffee cup. I have never understood why marriage is seen as settling down. On the contrary after the wedding is over and the guests have gone and you are stuck with five photo frames, six faux crystal vases and four coffee carafes not to mention each other, life is an upheaval.
You have to adjust at so many levels. She is not going home, this is forever and a day, your bathroom has been invaded, six bras hang on the shower curtain rod like semaphore flags, it is only week one and she has already decided to discard your favourite slightly ripped ‘lucky’ sweatshirt (every man has a lucky sweatshirt), redo the décor of the house and fully annoy your trusty domestic help. She’s already told you he is insolent, has attitude and will not listen. This is the guy who cared for your every need these past six years and now he is about to pack his bags.
You get calls in the office in the middle of meetings which are totally different from pre-marriage days when they were from girlfriends and had to be answered, these are from wives, we can talk in the evening, dash it, all night if you like, just not now. You do not SMS ‘sweet nothings’ to your wife nor do you go to the office loo to Skype.
Settled down? Are you nuts? This is total chaos. I was so settled down before I got married. I had routine. I would read when I wanted, play squash at 6, maybe 7, even 8 in the evening without being answerable.
Where are you going? To play Squash. You can’t, we have the Baruas coming for dinner, go buy some decent ice-cream, not that cheap brand, the good one, it’s so embarrassing when you skimp. And this is just for starters.
Then come the babies. And nappies. And potty training and sleep deprivation and nice, big ‘guess who I could have married’ fights and toys to the left of us and toys to the right of us and we are bought for a song by the nanny and we sell our souls to keep her happy and she is the Empress of our lives and we will do anything, just please come to work. So much for having gotten married and settling down. Way to go.