Like I was at a few airports earlier this week waiting for planes with that stoic sense of surrender when I said the human race is not that developed, we eat so badly, look around you, look, it’s just gross. The guy may be wearing a $2000 suit and a $5000 watch but he slurps his food. They don’t even take the food up to their mouth, they swoop those three feet to it. People are noisy, they gurgle a glass of water, they drop food on their fronts, they make squishy sounds, they snap, crackle and pop and they look bloody ugly doing it.
Now, I don’t expect anyone to hold a pinkie in the air while having tea or scoop soup silently front to back which is an affectation but when I see Mum and Dad eating badly then the kids with them are going to carry on the tradition. They snatch at the main plates, they chew with their mouths like an ad for Jaws, they tear the bread like tigers on the prowl, they drip stuff down the spoon, that is it, don’t belabour the point, they eat badly, we eat badly, we snatch, we grab, we do not even care who is looking.
You don’t believe me, look around you, at office, in a public place, at an intimate party, the striking clinking clanking sound of cutlery on crockery a background track for the slushers… now you wonder why I am in trouble, because you read this and you think, is this guy talking about me.