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THE LAMENT OF THE LONELY BACHELOR

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Daily Dose by Bikram Vohra

FamilyHave you noticed how newlyweds suddenly having discovered true marital bliss (where was she hiding all this time) now believe it is their mission in life to get all their bachelor friends stampede down the same bridal path? the won’t leave them alone. It becomes a mission like you have to join us you treacherous beast.

Suddenly, the members of the gang who are not into changing nappies and warming bottles of milk and measuring formula are put on the mat. Hey, when are taking the plunge? Come on, about time. Even parents get into the act. Look, your three closest friends are hitched, you are still single and we are not getting any younger. Mum and Dad use that blackmail tactic of age with something far more potent than mere emotion. It is like a mine in your face. Don’t you want us to see you happily settled?

Yes, I do, sure I want you to be happy and see my changing nappies, that is my ambition, but give me a couple of minutes.

The lonely bachelor is constantly on the backfoot. There was this super gang of four or five guys who were all single and they met in the evenings and watched soccer matches and made music and yacked about everything and then one got married and then another fell to Cupid’s arrow and now there is only one left who hasn’t got hitched and he is sort of dripping guilt like spaniels dripping rainwater and nary a day goes by when either the friends are not setting him up with someone or their parents are not ‘conspiring’ to put him on the mat.

He hardly enters the room when it starts. What did you think of that girl? She is so right for you. Go on, ask her out.

Adults in the room: So, young man, found anyone yet, you are getting on, you know, all your friends are married, you can’t drag your feet forever, you are the only one left.

I am sorry, I truly am sorrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee but yes, I can. Maybe not forever, but I don’t have to get married tonight. I like going home to my empty room and reading a book or watching the channel I want to watch and will everyone get off my case already.

But he doesn’t say that because he doesn’t get a chance to say that. Instead he either gets all apologetic and begins to explain the delay or he slinks away into the night. Until the next time