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THE SAGA OF THE 6 STAR SHAVING CREAM

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Turkey President Tayyip Erdogan's giant poster is seen hung on the exterior wall of a residential building in Ankara, capital of Turkey (File)
Daily Dose by Bikram Vohra

Turkey's Prime Minister and presidential candidate Tayyip Erdogan's giant poster is seen hung on the exterior wall of a residential building in Ankara, capital of Turkey

Let me hear it from all you folks who are globetrotters and keep putting your profiles on Facebook showing yourselves in airport lounges and reclining in first class cabins. Clearly, you stay in swank 6 star hotels.

So tell me, their rooms have these amenities, right? and they are all beautifully packaged and lined up like soldiers on parade. There is a dental kit and you get this half inch tube of toothpaste which when when you press either has hardened up or plops out and hits the sink and swirls away leaving you holding an empty tube. Considering the room is worth $400 a night can’t they splash a little more on the amount of mint flavoured paste? And if you are lucky enough to get it onto the toothbrush the brush is of such poor quality the bristles come off in your mouth and the brush literally disintegrates.

Don’t even go near the shaving kit. I love it. The kit. Sounds so professional. One razor purchased because it has to be worst quality in the world and will leave you throbbing with pain and some greasy, pasty, oily goo that masquerades as shaving cream and will fully refuses to create any lather whatsoever. Have you ever got shaving cream that creamed, seriously, ever.

Then they have slivers of soap the size of your bank balance. Tiny little blobs wrapped with such vengeance that even Tarzan would weep in Jane’s arms. You literally have to bite the wrapping off… come on, don’t lie to me, you have done it, no one is looking, in the mouth, rrrrippppp.

And there are millionaires and some bums who steal this stuff, they actually squirrel it away into their suitcases like was a collection of Faberge eggs. Look, look, I got three conditioners, three moisturisers and two shampoos. That is balancing out the $400 plus taxes. Wow, fair deal, what?

The other day I spent five whole minutes in an elevator because I did not know I had to place my room key into a slot in the lift to get it to go to my floor. There was no sign that said that so if you were having a first time experience why would you think the slot which is wafer thin is meant for you. Just put a sign saying “Place room key in slot for security reasons.”

I can hear the world travellers wearily saying, plebe, peasant. Sure, you are the ones who know how to manipulate that seat in first class but even then, you swiped the shaving cream that doesn’t lather… what’s wrong with you?

Admit it, the swiping didn’t stop there. You took those paper slippers, yesssss, you did, I can see it on your face.